Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Robbery!!!!!! True story!

Today I went for a walk at lunchtime. As soon as I started out, I heard a whole cacophony of police sirens in the direction of Old Street tube. Next thing I know, as I walk up a narrow side street just outside of where I work, two guys on a scooter fly past me at about 40mph (much, much too fast). They went onto the pavement and out into a pedestrian precinct. I was sure they were going to knock someone down. These guys looked VERY suspicious, were disguised, and were in a very big hurry!

When I reached Old Street I saw at least 5 police cars, and all seemed to be on the lookout for somebody or something.

So, being a good citizen, I call the MET police to report what I saw. The person at the police call centre, no doubt in Uzbekistan, could not have been less interested.

No doubt the next thing I'll find out is that the robbers shot 5 people in the face, stole 10 million, and Crimewatch are mounting a campaign along the lines of "did you see anything suspicious?"

Well, if it comes to that, they can ask all they want. This guy won't be volunteering any information. At the time when it would have been useful, I was fobbed off.

As the yanks would say, "a cop couldn't find his butt if it had a bell on it"

Thursday, 20 March 2008

Holiday weekend in London

It's the start of a 4 day bank holiday and I'm on the train, coming back from London. You would think people would be cheerful, but this is what I can see right now...

All but one person looks miserable, 2 people look close to tears, 3 people are asleep, one woman looks downright haunted.

The guy who doesn't look miserable is the spitting image of a younger Ken Dodd - he has a good comedy face.

Maybe life was always meant to be hard, and I have my own theories that there may be good reasons for this. But London! What are you for, if you make people look so miserable?

There's got to be a better life than this. The only people you see smiling in London are in advertisements.

Wednesday, 19 March 2008

Quote of... my lifetime

"I plan to live forever. So far, so good."

Steven Wright

Tuesday, 11 March 2008


I was thinking about my Mum and Dad the other day. My mum passed away last year. They had been married for 53 years. I actually thought this thought: "wow, my dad knew my mum for 55 years. That's even longer than my entire life."

Ever had a "duh" moment like that? (think about it)

First class!

I've taken to travelling first class into London, as befits my status as a gentleman and a scholar. This is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Believe me, the types you get in cattle class make you want to throw yourself under the bloody train.

OK, so I'm a complete and utter snob. I admit it. I revel in it. I've fucking earned it mate. I grew up on working class estates, so I know I never want to have anything to do with the proletariat! That's different from being simply uninformed.

Anyway, I digress. The point of this snobby story, is the other night two yobs decided it would be a bit of a larf to come and sit in first class and annoy the other passengers i.e. me and one bloke who was asleep. The yobs might have been expecting to see just how wonderful first class is. They may have imagined huge comfy seats, waiters serving champagne, a fag to make us toast and crumpets beside the glowing embers of an open fire.

Well no, that's not what first class is about. It's (usually) about not having to put up with ignorant dickheads like those guys, so they weren't likely to experience the joys of first class, nor will they ever. You can go travelling mate, but you can never escape yourself!