Wednesday, 22 October 2008

I despair

... not just a title. I really do.

** sigh **

I have lived in the wrong era. I suffer (hah!) from Asperger's syndrome, which (partly - in my case) means that I am more guided by logic and reason than emotion.

In my early life, I made the mistake of assuming that all people were also driven by logic and reason. It took me until the age of 45 or so to realise (I'm a slow learner) that it is not so.

At times I am profoundly depressed by this. Sometimes it feels that intelliegence is a curse. I just want to spend a year away from other people. (except my lovely children of course). Just a year would do.

That's all.

Friday, 11 July 2008

Max Mosley

So Max Mosley is sueing the News of the Screws over their admitted filming of his S&M antics. I'm really split on this one. One part of me thinks that it is dangerous to limit the freedom of the press in any way, another part thinks that the paper had no justification whatsoever in prying into someone's private life. When all is said and done, the blame for this sort of thing lies with the sad bastards who buy the rotten paper. To those people I would ask them to get off their overweight backsides, fire up their imaginations, and go get a sex life of their own, so that they don't have to voy all over other people's sex lives every sunday. As for the paper editor claiming it was all in the public interest... words fail me (not good for a blogger).

Besides, which one of us has not stood naked in a room while an 80 year old man dressed in an evil clown costume pelts us with rotten fruit? I know I certainly have!

(Actually, that last bit isn't quite true. I toned it down in case my kids think I'm a weirdo or something)

Tuesday, 20 May 2008

Big brother and all that stuff

It's all over the news. The government want to build a database of all phone calls, email messages and text messages. They want to be able to spy on all of our communications. That's not the interesting bit though.

What interests me more is the argument put forward by MPs and pundits who are anti the proposal. The one argument they use is that because of the recent security breaches, the government is not fit to hold this information.

Well WOH! Wait a minute. Their argument isn't that spying on us would be inherently wrong, it's just that HM-Gov are too incompetent to do it. This frames the debate nicely. Get enough people to use this argument, and that gives the government a way in. All they have to do is prove that security has been tightened (and they are working on that like crazy) and then they can have their database.

I say be careful of using security competence as an argument. This should be opposed because nobody wants it, apart from the inevitable stupid "if you've done nothing wrong..." brigade.

Wednesday, 7 May 2008

Aw Bollocks!!!!

Have you ever had a laptop with a touchpad?

If you have, you will know that it is possible to accidentally brush a thumb against it while typing. Now you would think that this would result in some pretty harmless results, like the floating cursor being moved a bit to the left or something. In the Murphy's Law universe, one of two things usually happens:

1. You find yourself typing on the wrong line. This happens in about 60% of cases. It's no biggie - you simply copy and paste the text to where it should be.

2. The accidental brush translates to: a. anchor the cursor, b. select all of the text of the huge message you have been typing, except for the first 3 words, c. press delete.

Have you noticed that? A single brush of the thumb and the whole bloody message is gone (apart from the obligatory 3 remaining words). If they can make a simple thumb gesture so meaningful, could they please design an operating system that does all of my work when I sneeze, pick my nose and cross my legs. Thank you.

p.s. you have no idea how careful I have been while typing this.

Tuesday, 15 April 2008

Expelled Exposed

Seen the silly movie Expelled? Go read the debunking first.

Wednesday, 2 April 2008

Nobel prize up for grabs...

...for whoever can decipher this sentance from Desmond Tutu:

"Even the dumbest of us would say that results would not have been held back... had it not been the fact that Mr Mugabe has not won," said the Nobel Peace Prize winner.

OK, I know what he means, but the 3.5 negatives in that sentance are making my brain sore. In reply to Tutu, I would say this:

"There's nothing that you've not got that I don't want."

Wednesday, 26 March 2008

Robbery!!!!!! True story!

Today I went for a walk at lunchtime. As soon as I started out, I heard a whole cacophony of police sirens in the direction of Old Street tube. Next thing I know, as I walk up a narrow side street just outside of where I work, two guys on a scooter fly past me at about 40mph (much, much too fast). They went onto the pavement and out into a pedestrian precinct. I was sure they were going to knock someone down. These guys looked VERY suspicious, were disguised, and were in a very big hurry!

When I reached Old Street I saw at least 5 police cars, and all seemed to be on the lookout for somebody or something.

So, being a good citizen, I call the MET police to report what I saw. The person at the police call centre, no doubt in Uzbekistan, could not have been less interested.

No doubt the next thing I'll find out is that the robbers shot 5 people in the face, stole 10 million, and Crimewatch are mounting a campaign along the lines of "did you see anything suspicious?"

Well, if it comes to that, they can ask all they want. This guy won't be volunteering any information. At the time when it would have been useful, I was fobbed off.

As the yanks would say, "a cop couldn't find his butt if it had a bell on it"

Thursday, 20 March 2008

Holiday weekend in London

It's the start of a 4 day bank holiday and I'm on the train, coming back from London. You would think people would be cheerful, but this is what I can see right now...

All but one person looks miserable, 2 people look close to tears, 3 people are asleep, one woman looks downright haunted.

The guy who doesn't look miserable is the spitting image of a younger Ken Dodd - he has a good comedy face.

Maybe life was always meant to be hard, and I have my own theories that there may be good reasons for this. But London! What are you for, if you make people look so miserable?

There's got to be a better life than this. The only people you see smiling in London are in advertisements.

Wednesday, 19 March 2008

Quote of... my lifetime

"I plan to live forever. So far, so good."

Steven Wright

Tuesday, 11 March 2008


I was thinking about my Mum and Dad the other day. My mum passed away last year. They had been married for 53 years. I actually thought this thought: "wow, my dad knew my mum for 55 years. That's even longer than my entire life."

Ever had a "duh" moment like that? (think about it)

First class!

I've taken to travelling first class into London, as befits my status as a gentleman and a scholar. This is not a luxury, it is a necessity. Believe me, the types you get in cattle class make you want to throw yourself under the bloody train.

OK, so I'm a complete and utter snob. I admit it. I revel in it. I've fucking earned it mate. I grew up on working class estates, so I know I never want to have anything to do with the proletariat! That's different from being simply uninformed.

Anyway, I digress. The point of this snobby story, is the other night two yobs decided it would be a bit of a larf to come and sit in first class and annoy the other passengers i.e. me and one bloke who was asleep. The yobs might have been expecting to see just how wonderful first class is. They may have imagined huge comfy seats, waiters serving champagne, a fag to make us toast and crumpets beside the glowing embers of an open fire.

Well no, that's not what first class is about. It's (usually) about not having to put up with ignorant dickheads like those guys, so they weren't likely to experience the joys of first class, nor will they ever. You can go travelling mate, but you can never escape yourself!

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

Bible versus Science

Watch with the sound turned right up. A tremendous performance by Vanessa Mae.